Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Classic Consulting Quotes

Scene: Conference Room A, Industrial Client
Actors: Myself, Matthew (client), Ralph (client), Bob (client), Steve (client)
Context: We are discussing a set of data files that Matthew and Ralph have given me. Conference Room A has large windows overlooking the parking lot.

Ralph and I are looking at the data on a computer, discussing the fields. Matthew is looking out the window.

Matthew: "Hey look, there's Bob and Steve."

[Matthew, Ralph, Bob, and Steve all work together, and I have been interfacing with them on a near-daily basis for the past few weeks.]

[A few seconds pass.]

Matthew: "Looks like they're taking a walk; it's such a nice day today!."

[A few seconds pass.]

Matthew: "Oh, I guess they're going over to Bob's car."

[A few seconds pass. Ralph and I continue to look at the computer.]

Matthew: "Hey, Bob has a sledgehammer in his hand."

[A few seconds pass. Ralph and I look up from the computer.]

Matthew: "Hmm... they're opening the trunk of the car. What are they doing?"

[Ralph and I get up from the desk to look outside. We can clearly see Bob and Steve 100 yards away. Bob looks around, then furtively places the sledgehammer in the trunk of his car and closes the trunk. Bob and Steve walk away quickly.]

Matthew: [Laughing...] "Well, I guess Bob's borrowing the sledgehammer from the machine shop for a while."


What do you do when you witness your client taking company equipment?

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Tuesday, January 13, 2009