Monday, May 4, 2009

Equity Private, Respect Through Obfuscation

Equity Private has her oh-so-sophisticated PE-panties in a bunch, as she attacks The Epicurean Dealmaker for calling bullshit on her:

"It also betrays a peculiar brand of Aeron Chair Socialism, in other words, the attitude that those senior creditors possessed of the temerity to expect the terms of the debt instruments they hold to be honored or carried to the full extent possible in good faith, or to harbor the absurd fantasy that the proper forms of bankruptcy and pre-bankruptcy would be followed and the poor taste to express shock and surprise at being called out as the cause of Chrysler's bankruptcy from the bully pulpit and on national television by a President who knows damn well that he has to throw Chrysler into bankruptcy anyhow to restructure the company's burdensome dealer contracts and thereby keep Fiat from running with unfathomable haste away from the deal, these senior creditors- excuse me, greedy speculators- should just wait to be told what will be given them and then smile, pose for a publicity photograph with the Vice President and be on their way quickly and quietly so as not to disturb any other residents of the 20500 zip code." - Equity Private, May 4th
Yes, that was 1 sentence.

"You overwhelmingly embrace obfuscation and don't want the reader to understand anything you have to say. Your writing lavishes a preponderance of dependent clauses and compound negatives upon the reader, whose cognitive load not infrequently exceeds the purported benefit of the substance of the article. Syntax incorporates numerous collections of items juxtaposed or in series that demand persistence and not a little unqualified expertise on the part of all intended recipients of the author's communications. In fact, such machinations inevitably prove detrimental to comprehension and sabotage the imparting of any and all knowledge. Your condition is irreversible.
Equity Private reflects the worst of the PE industry - an incredibly intelligent person focusing their talents on convincing others that they are the smarter than anyone else through the use of intellectual bullying."


Anonymous said...

I'm apparantly smarter than the Flesch-Kincaid Readability Analysis, because I didn't have any difficulty understanding the sentence at all. Did you?

By the way, as I'm sure you don't know, Kafka wrote sentences that sometimes ran more than a page. I wonder what your technobabble analysis machine would say about his writing.

Aaron said...


Apparently you don't know the difference between German (the language of Kafka) and English. German has a structure that makes reading and writing long sentences a relatively easy task. English makes no such affordances. In my opinion, the complexity seen in her writing is born wholly out of ego.

I am happy you could understand that with no problems. You are a superior being and clearly have a bigger ego^H^H^Hintellect than me.

Anonymous said...

Oh, Lord, that sentence was dreadful. I'll never get back the 20 minutes it took to read it.

Anonymous said...

One assumes that at least the adjective in the term "incredibly intelligent" is ironic...and as far as obfuscatory, I had the pleasure of the required reading of enough pomo stuff in grad school to know she's a rank amateur.

Anonymous said...

I'm guessing that this is a well executed exercise in self-parody. Way too verbose to be taken seriously.

Anonymous said...

Con - Ninja,

I realize as someone who hocks their mind for a living that you need to go to the edge to get noticed in a world full of unemployed quant’s now flooding the brain market. However, you might want to do a little due diligence before taking swings at people. Having said that, seeing the caliber of your thoughts as posted here; I guess I can see why you are unemployed and advertising yourself as a mythic Japanese superhero bad guy.

EP is not a native English speaker if you were not already aware of that, in fact she speaks 4 languages 3 more than I do. I have heard her voice, and trust me; English is not even close to native. However, your next guess might be closer then you expect, if you have in fact read Kafka, which means yes she is a native German speaker.

Third, if you had bothered to notice anything about her education, you would already known the above. As her snarky written comments are posted daily @ Deal Breaker, which is now famous for for her brand of wit. As such, I can only guess that you are in fact going out of your way to try and generate some hits, like mine, and hopefully a reply from her, to drive some Google revenue to your own secret ninja project here.

Personally, I'll take someone who speaks four languages brilliantly, English being the one she handles the least well, and delivers actual content over someone who thinks their frequent flier mile tally is worth posting in a sidebar any day.

Best Regards,


Consultant Ninja said...


Thank you for the defense of EP. A few notes:

1) I haven't read EP's biography. I just call it like I see it, and that is that she her writing is intentionally excessively complex.

2) I am employed at one of the firms in the title section, which matters inasmuch as I can legitimately claim the title of this blog. I can only assume that EP left the industry to go into journalism, given the volume of writings.

3) I have no Google ads, and no revenue. Thus this site is for my own self-serving purposes.

4) Deal Breaker is not exactly a paragon of literary excellence. It's a gossip site. Now, if she started working at TMZ, then I might be impressed by her loyal readers.

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Monday, May 4, 2009